Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
