You can't motorboat a personality
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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