fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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