So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
