he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
