Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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