Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
