You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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