You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
