dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
