Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize