she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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