I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize