I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
