she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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