My first STD was from a foam party
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
