I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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