You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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