If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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