the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
