Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
