I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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