I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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