I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
