May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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