I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
