Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
