If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
