i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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