Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
