; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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