i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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