I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
