Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
