Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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