i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
