i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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