it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
