My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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