I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
