talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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