I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize