I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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