I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
soo... how was my night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
