So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
