i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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