So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize