You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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