4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
