i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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