You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
