That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
