I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want to be your penis for a week.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
