it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
