I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
