I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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