I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize