The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
