guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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