Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
