Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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