3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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