he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
