I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Two words: blizzard sex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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