Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
