is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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