Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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