Its about making memories worth repressing
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
