i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
