she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
