I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
