If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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