Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
