It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
